Miss ConGeNiaLity's Chronicles

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

:: I Can't Decide ::

Am I worrying too much again? Whenever it comes to massive Production, I'm always asking myself the question, "Should I stay put in my comfort zone as a singer in the choir again?", "Is there a new platform I can serve Him?".

After putting in so much of effort for the Father's Love audition for dance, going through dance tutorials from youtube, friends, etc....but I still didn't get in then. I was devastated and was in bewilderment. Perhaps because I relied on dance as another platform I can depend on after quiting taekwondo. However, 2mths after quiting taekwondo is no good for joining dance. Taekwondo makes one very stiff in the first place. Maybe that's why Linda was saying that I was very stiff during the Father's Love audition.

Now, it has been 2years since after I quited. I did so many things to improve on my own. I didn't believe I had the guts to go to Studio Wu's charity event, knowing that the school's the best dance studio in S'pore and the people there are very "zai..". Still so "gei-kiang" to go there for lessons with Jane, who has significant background than compared to me. When I was there, I was so scared, and was very conscious of the people standing at the door to stare inside and watch us dance. Standing at the back was the "safe zone" I supposed until the 2nd dance class made us all reverse and I became the 1st in the row. If I dance wrongly, the whole class can see! Faints.. That dance instructor used the song "Womanizer" at the start of the class to do 30mins of warm-up. And now the song is still in my head!!

Besides that, I have been on the secret learning journey. As in I went online to learn dance tutorials, peeped at dance lessons in my school (becoz I don't belong to the club), memorize Kat's dance steps during last easter and tried secretly elsewhere (and ppl asked if she taught me, and how come I know the dance).

After doing so much. Should I dance for Him? I guess the desire to dance for Him, and let people see His beauty from the dance, didn't come to me from no where. The desire was impacted on me firstly by Kat, then I progressed from there. But it took me 2years to grasp a hold of what dance really is. Then again, am I ready? In the chronicles of narnia, when Prince Caspain said "I don't think I'm ready", Aslan replied, "That's when you're ready, becoz you'll not rely on self but on Him".

On the other hand, Clare told me something which surprises me. How come she knows so much? I didn't really share with anyone. She mentioned that I do appear rather transparent to her. Haha.. Oh dear. Is that good or not good? She said, "I know you want a role to singing, not just within the choir, but as an individual role of singer (soloist). So on the 1st Feb, go for the audition and indicate to the person auditioning you that you want a role. But there aren't many female soloists this round, but you can try". I was like, "What? Clare..that's very gei-kiang leh!". And she said, "Yes, gei-kiang. That's what you always wanted right?". I was like, "Huh? How did you know that was what I want? But I do have a phobia for auditions leh". And she replied, "Yes I know you have a phobia, but try". I replied, "Huh? How did you know I have a phobia for auditions, when I never told you before?" and she replied, "You do appear very transparent to me. At least to me. I'm not sure about the rest". Huh...

Should I also go for the audition for soloists? I spoke to Pris today about it. She encouraged me to try, and almost scolded me for thinking so much. She said, "Just GO LAH!!". Haha.. I think I really need scolding to push me to do things arh. Haha..

Aiya...anyway, I have no firm grounds on banging into any particular area of serving. I was thinking of having shopping at the auditions. As in try different things, then see how it goes, without the mentality that "I must get into this or that". That's less stressful. And it would be quite fun. Can learn new dance moves, experience singing acapella alone and having ppl to hear you for the moment. Haha...

posted at [4:51 PM]

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Intro

Thank you to all who visits my blog!! My entries would be a mirror of my life stories. Some of the entries might not sound edifying. However, at the end of the day, He'll bring good.
If you're looking for one with a "perfect" life, you'd be disappointed. I'm still human afterall, living in the imperfect earth and imperfect market.
My email: servantgrace777@gmail.com

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