Miss ConGeNiaLity's Chronicles

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Monday, December 22, 2008

:: Why did they cried for me? ::

I feel that I'm such a letdown at times. Whenever I remember my loved ones who cried for me, I question and reprimanded myself for making the same mistake over again.

It pains me to see their eyes welled up with tears that they hold back, so as not to let them roll down. Rachael ever mentioned that "elder sisters" often has the strength and perceived responsibility that they should not cry in front of their younger sister, so that they would not affect them or would not imply further upset. I've always been an elder sister, and I never had anyone or seen anyone in that scenario. Till, on the two incidents, one with Clare and another with Ellen.

On the 20th Nov, when I met up with Clare, and shared with her something from my heart.. Something that has been hurting me. Initially I thought that perhaps she just yawned or something, that's why her eyes are red. But, it didn't seem to go away. It looks as though she was crying along side with me. I didn't bother to hold back any tears, and just let go. Her voice also went softer when she was praying for me and somehow I can hear that she was also feeling painful on the inside. Why? I thought it's only me who's suffering, and it's only me should be in sorrow.

This made me recall the TV AD on TV Mobile, on "Say No to Drug Abuse", which says "When you sniff glue, it's not you only who suffers. There are others who are suffering with you". I was reminded of God's love. He would also cry and share the sorrow whenever I'm experiencing it. Covenantal Relationship. Just like I would have tears welled up in my eyes when I see Rachael crying as she shared her testimony over the pulpit.

After a month, I met up with Ellen y'day, 21st Dec. Actually I also shared with her that same incident I shared with Clare. Somehow God spoke to Ellen prophetically and she sensed the pain I'm going through, but couldn't identify what was it till she approached me. Hmm..God, let this be DEALT with and DONE with. I don't want another sister to experience the pain I'm going/went through. Y'day, as Ellen was praying, she sounded different. I didn't realise anything till she had prayed finished. I saw her eyes were red and there were tears that were about to roll down. She still wears a smile in front of me, but I could see it drop when she turned to get her jacket. I didn't know what to do.

(Me and my sister-who was a baby then. My sister is always looking up towards me, in pics and in life)

I now then understand why my sis would often say she felt helpless whenever she sees me upset or in a bad mood. I felt helpless and I didn't know what I can do when I saw Clare and Ellen in that state. I felt like crying, but I'm afraid that it would worsen the situation.

Therefore I draw to Him and prayed for them. The above is a little book of mine, to store Bible verses.

posted at [2:53 PM]

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Intro

Thank you to all who visits my blog!! My entries would be a mirror of my life stories. Some of the entries might not sound edifying. However, at the end of the day, He'll bring good.
If you're looking for one with a "perfect" life, you'd be disappointed. I'm still human afterall, living in the imperfect earth and imperfect market.
My email: servantgrace777@gmail.com

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