Friday, November 07, 2008
Nothing's Working Right, WHY?!
This was the analogy I derived about my relationship with God. I never fail to piece them into my arty scrapbook.
I can't remember if I had this dream before/after PL was created. But when I drew it out, I could just identify it to be PL.
.jpg)
WHY!? I hate it whenever things just don't go right. I always end up thinking that nobody supports and appreciate whatever I do, and are always out there to await/plan for my downfall. I become awaken in sweats of my insecurity.
God. Why has she sensed it? No one else sensed it, or saw through me? Except, her? Or have you chosen her to speak those words into my life? Pastor Bea, she knows who she can joked at and who she can't. She knows what level of reprimanding one can take. This evening. She spoke directly at me, to identify something to me.
She said, "Grace. God loves you so much, and I know that because the Bible says so". Why does she has to say that? The next question, why when she say that, tears just wet my eyes? I have yet to embrace this truth. I have not let go of my insecurities, that holds as a barrier to Him to love me completely.
However, it didn't work. I continued singing the same song. However, she then said something again. "Grace, you got to sing and release the truth about the song". She said this while everyone else continued singing. The more she said, I couldn't continue looking at her. I've to held my head down, to prevent her from looking at my eyes full of tears. Eventually, she prayed aloud into my life. We were still singing the song, "What He's Done For Me". I couldn't sing any longer. I bite my lips to hold my tears, before an outburst occurs. And I couldn't remember what she said and prayed during those moments. Sigh. I should have just listened fully and cry if I needed to. Holding it inside isn't very healthy, because it revolutes a disastrous outbreak when it's finally released.
Really a dancer or am I just dreaming?
.jpg)
I drew this after I got rejected from the dance audition. And my sister edited the picture by drawing those "lines" to cancel the word "can't" into "can", and she removed those inverted commas I placed around the word "dance".
I was sharing with WanTze on the bus home, that I've actually not recovered from the "trauma" and the "demoralising effects" from the production of......The Father's Love. It's a "dagger-piercing" moment which I can never forget. WanTze said I should learn to forgive myself for mistakes I made in the past. I will never forget how disastrous the choir movements were. I never forget how it feels to be rejected from a dance audition (which makes me wanna PROVE EVERYONE WRONG after this rejection). It was just like what the "Phantom" did in the Phantom of the opera; he masked himself and sang greatly. It's been very tough and painful to prove everyone wrong. Zac Efron's songs never fail to explain myself: 
SCREAMThe day the door is closed,The echo fills your soul.They won't say which way to go,Just trust your heart.To find what you're here for,Open another door.I'm not sure anymore.It's just so hard.The voices in my head,Tell me they know best!Got me on the edge, they're pushin', pushin', they're pushin'I know they got a plan,While the balls in my hands!This time its man-to-man,I'm droppin', fightin', its time too.Whole worlds upside down,What do I do now? Cause I choke!
Chorus:I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?I want my own thing. So bad I'm gonna Scream!I can't choose, so confused! What's it all mean? I want my own dream. So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I'm kickin' down the walls.I gotta make 'em fall!Just break through them all!I'm pushin', crashin', I'm gonnaFight to find myself,Me and no one else!Which way I get down, pushin',Searchin', can't find aRoad that I should take, I should, tomorrow left us!Like nothing works without you
Chorus:I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?I want my own thing. So bad I'm gonna Scream!I can't choose, so confused! What's it all mean? I want my own dream. So bad I'm gonna Scream!Bridge:Yeah we're cooks, running down, hear the crowd gettin' loud!I'm consumed by the sound!Is it hurt? Is it love?Has it ever been enough?Gotta work it out, gotta work it out!You can do it, you can do it!Chorus:I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I can't choose, so confused!
What's it all mean? I want my own dream.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!Ohh! Ahh!!!! NOW OR NEVER
In this song, the best part of the lyrics are these:Come on!The way we play tonightis what we leave behind! (That’s right)It all comes down to right now it’s up to us! (Let’s go!)So what we’re gonna be?This is the last time to get it right!This is the last chance to make it or not!We gotta showwhat we’re all about (TEAM) Work together!This is the last chance to make your markHistory will know who we areThis is the last gameSo make it countIt’s Now or Never!
posted at [11:54 PM]
_____________