Haha. I can preach! I don't know how I did it, but I did. Here's sermon notes:
Let me name today's topic as, Mental Strength. Whenever I fall, I get up. Whenever I'm far behind others, I catch up. We need to have a strong mental strength. Instead of feeling sorry for myself for failing once again, feeling depressed that others are always faster than myself, all of these could have been easier and simpler. Get up! Catch up! Move forward! Our emotions belong to God. If we want to take control over our emotions, to feel sad and all of that, God will certainly let us do so. He'll just wait for us to deal with it until we know that we need Him. Why even let emotions hinder you from moving forward? Just move forward! Say it with me, "Move Forward"! Some of you might be swelled up into emotions till you don't know how to move forward. Bring your emotions to the altars of God, and don't take them back. Imagine this with me. If you proceed to the check-in counter at the airlines, and place your luggage with them, you will not expect yourselves having to carry them back and onto the plane am I right? If you have to do so, that is a very LOUSY airline. Do we serve a "lousy" God? No! When we place our emotions at the altars, just LEAVE THEM THERE and go home! Don't run back to the altars to get them back! Let God deal with those emotions of yours. After doing so, you'd ask, what's next? Ask God what is it He wants you to do in order to move forward. Some of you it could be having to switch careers. I've heard of many testimonies that are life changing when these ones switch their careers, aligning them to His way. I don't know what's yours and what's yours, but we can certainly know our very own, when we ask God. Amen?
These words that I've just written here, and preached to myself (on my way to school) has impacted me real lot. After listening to the various downloaded sermon series recommended by Clare, I find myself speaking the same manner as they does. I like Joyce Meyers' sermon, on Trusting Attitude. Initially I thought listening to sermons would become a chore, and I wonder why Clare even asked me to do so. Oops, haha. However, after trying to listen to one sermon, I felt that I wanted to listen to another. I went to the extent that I wrote notes about the sermon I listened to, and also songs on it.
Today, I decided that in order for me to FULLY and COMPLETELY consecrate my life to Him, I should remove ALL that compromises. Let me emphasize it once again. Remove ALL that compromise. Hence, I took the painful step of this episode. I DELETED ALL my secular songs in my MP3. I wanted to SLAP myself after doing so. Whatever that feeds the flesh, shall be removed! Besides listening to Clare's advice of avoiding watching TV, I guess that isn't enough. Becoz time to time I turned to alternatives and substitutes instead of turning totally to the Savior! I guess my MP3 was the first step. I believe God will again identify to me what's next to surrender. Ouch! It's gonna be a painful process.
Who can say that they don't need God? I need Him all the time, even for a simple journey on the train to school. I need God to be my FILTER of the words the people speak on the train. I definitely have no right to go up to the two guys and ask them to SHUT UP. I kept speaking in tongues on the train and kept my focus away from the dirty conversation of those two guys. Amazingly, then came songs after songs ringing in my head. Pretty old songs we sang in IGNYTE.
In school, I accidentally blurted out to YangTheng that I banned myself from watching TV. Anyone who hears that who certainly ask why? Same on Sunday, I accidentally blurted that in front of Jasmine, who also asked why. As I was talking to Yangtheng, I realised that I'm pretty affected by the environment around me. On my way home from school, I decided to analyse why do I do so. God identified those specific situations to me.
1) How envious and angry I felt when Clare got commissioned while I did not.
2) How angry and wronged I felt when WanTze was asked to co-lead (as Pris was absent), instead of me.
I then asked God, why do I feel that way. That's the same, when I was talking to Jerry about drama role-plays therapy. What do analyse after each role-play you acted. I then realised it has to do with my insecurity. I should not have laid my security on positions, people, etc. I asked God what and why has my insecurity got to do with this? No answer. Then I asked another question, what do You want me to do about this now, just tell me God.
I waited and waited. The atmosphere on the bus just suddenly changed. I wonder if it was just felt by me alone, or also the rest of the passengers. I felt warmt, even when the air-con kept blowing at me. I'm supposed to feel cold. My ears became so alerted, and it makes me assume that God's gonna speak in an audible voice again. But, there came a vision:
- I saw a stage, with only one spot light focused onto the centre of the stage. The rest of the stage looked really dark.
- Then I saw a kid playing with an elephant. Playing all she could.
- Then I saw this kid sleeping on the elephant.
- Wake up! I felt as if there was a need to ask this kid to wake up.
- And she woke up. She came down from elephant and walked towards me?
- I was like, wow, this kid is very pretty and adorable. (don't punch me). I started tearing.
- Then she looked down and reach to her drawing board.
- She then wrote this, "LOVE", and looked up to Someone in front of her.
- I can't see this Someone.
- She gave the piece of drawing paper with that very word to this Someone.
- Then she happily went to play with her other toys.
- This Someone used His scissors and cut the drawing paper into (I don't know the exact term for this) a longer and nicer artpiece; it looks like a stretch of foldable paper with shapes in each of the paper. Which looks like this:
I then asked Him, what does all this meant. I asked and asked. Waited and waited. Then I started tearing so much till I was rather embarrassed on the bus. It was a packed bus. Then came the answer, the SIMPLE answer. It's really very simple. All I have to do is just to submit to Him, and He'll expand it into a beautiful artpiece for His glory. Lord, I submit my heart to You, that You'll bring me peace to trust You, trust Your works and Your ways. I trust that You'll not only improve, but You'll expand it, just like the wonder artpiece I saw. My simple drawing, "LOVE", You could expand it and improve it to greater measure that I can't see for now. Furthermore, as my sister learned about this vision of mine, she identified to me that the artpiece also represented the linkages of each episodes. How amazing one vision can be.
My prayer Lord, is that You let me see what You see. I see my circumstances. Many are UGLY. But I know You see differently, because You can see the FINISHED PRODUCT, while I can't as yet. Teach me how to Trust You, give me the ATTITUDE to trust You! Amen!! Thank you Lord Jesus for the Vision!