Saturday, August 30, 2008
:: Worried ::
I wonder what's wrong with me? I merely wanted to ask casually if Cecilia and the team needs help and whether can I do part-time there if help's needed, since I've only got 3 school days. Why am I so afraid to ask?
I don't want Cecilia to feel pressurized neither do I want her to be offended just by me asking this. But, I don't think she'll be offended, as I'm just merely typing a casual question. If I don't get the job, I'll still keep in touch, and I won't backfire or get angry that kinda thing as we could still be friends. So I overly worry and I even ask people to help me proof-read my email to her. Gasp.. Now I haven't even sent her the email. Why am I so scared? Cecilia's a nice person. I don't understand Grace.
I'll just send..The results would be determined by Him who knows best, of whether I should work there or somewhere else or concentrate fully on studies itself. I shall wait for His reply.
posted at [11:11 AM]
_____________
Thursday, August 28, 2008
:: Confused ::
I don't understand this feeling within me. Am I missing something? I feel so weak and tired. I feel I want something more? However, I don't know what do I want?
I'll be collecting my cheque at ADM Cocoa tomorrow. I'll be seeing my beloved colleagues and manager and friends there once again. I should be feeling happy and eager. However, I'm feeling nervous and uneasy. Why? Am I afraid of something or what's wrong?
I always have the mindset, brought from young, that everyone would detest me. Hence when I'm in a group of people who accepts me and is able to establish friendship with me, I find it hard to accept. I find it hard to believe. I would often doubt: do they really like me? do they have an ulterior motive? What are they going to do to me next?
Hence I always maintain a certain gap between everyone. I always felt that people might find me very irritating if I keep getting close to them, or I keep meeting them, visiting them, talking to them, msn them, sms them, etc. I don't know.
I'm God's precious daughter. He loves me for who I am. I'm not quite sure if others do the same? I always thought that only God loves me and the rest hates me. Perhaps it's another childhood barrier, where I'm often an outcast, until I reach the age of 15.
It has been 15 years. I've not lived out of it. When I receive praises, I sometimes don't know whether to believe in them.
Sigh. I wonder why am I writing this till the point of tears. I need to believe once again. I need to believe in Him to believe in me, then to believe in others about me.
posted at [8:11 PM]
_____________
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
:: KBox With Them!! ::
After the long wait of 11days, the night has arrived, on 26th August 2008 (Tues). Good times really passed so fast. It happened so quickly when they arrive; and by the snap of the finger, all has ended. I'm feeling very blue on the inside. The people, my colleagues and managers have been those I'm very familiar with to meet everyday on the weekdays. The place, my desk, the environment has become another part of my life. Now that it has suddenly ended, I'm feeling very hard to adapt to. Missing someone is deeper than just being lonely.
I wanted to tear when I saw all my colleagues again, even though I tried rehearsing at home on how I should react instead. They were really sweet people. Verna welcomed me with a scary way; she came from behind and started poking me on my ribs. They all wore smiles on their faces. I missed them so much. Especially when Cecilia and KC arrived later, as they were held up a little while and came later than the rest. For a second or two, I almost couldn't figure out who were they, but at the second glance I saw them! Haha. The first reaction was "ey??". Then I said, "Wow..luckily we weren't talking bad about the two of you, as we were just mentioning about you two haha". Then KC said, "Aw hor..need to pull ear already ah". haha!! For a moment TingTing and I looked as if we were escorts welcoming them into the room 65, coz we just came back from the toilet.
Everyone wants to hear me sing from the beginning, then bo-bian, I end up singing the most I think. BeeLeng said I sounded like Angela Zhang, do I? haha. She's a high-end sop singer leh. Her key range I've not met yet. And then the whole time I ended up singing F.I.R. songs, and KC said I was a big fan of theirs. Then when I tried singing Jolin's song, to rap her lines that Jay Chow wrote, I went like "chi chi chi chi chi....." and my diction just disappeared. haha! Cecilia and KC said that's what they can only hear, "chi chi chi chi chi.." haha!! And they said that's my generation's songs. haha!!
However, Cecilia surprised me! For a moment I thought I was hearing my own voice when I was singing together with her. Until I tried to sing off-mic, and I heard her voice, which sounded like mine. oh my goodness!! She's sop man. Hence we sang Angela Zhang's songs together, titled 隐形的翅膀. Cecilia was saying she knows how to sing the "angel" song. For a moment we were thinking what's an angel song that Angela Zhang sang? Then the rest figured out that it was that song, 隐形的翅膀. haha!!
KC's voice is not bad either, but he dare not sing out loud. He's always waiting for others and myself to take over, so I sing abit, then he sing along...then I went off-mic, until he realised he's singing on his own, then I have to come back. haha...
For a start I felt my voice deteriorated, and I didn't sound as good as the other time. Then the more I sang, the more it was warmed up, it got better. Until the point where I ended up having backaches and muscle aches on the diaphragm. Alamak!! It hurt quite bad, coz I was singing alot for the 4hours and bcoz I was singing correctly. haha.. That's bcoz we had 4 mics, hence we can sing along when it isn't your song. HEnce I carried some songs for them into parts and backups. haha, especially for some keys that are very high and unreachable for some. Coz I can hit higher keys easier than the lower ones. That's my weakness.
Here are some pics of BeeLeng and Verna dancing to the fast songs. They kept pulling me and Cecilia into join them. Alamak...
Verna singing a duet with PK.
BeeLeng and me. haha. I think I should not wear too much of turtle necks anymore.
TingTing, PeiPei and Felicia.
Didn't manage to take a pic of Cecilia and KC, but there's a video with them in it, but not so nice to post here ah. haha.
posted at [5:55 PM]
_____________
:: Badminton ::
Here's the Team Trinitarians. hahaha!!
This looks as if we won a medal, with a medalist cloth with "two squirrels" on it??? haha. This is Vera's towel la. Team Trinitarians wor!!
There's Me, Vera and Rachael:
.jpg)
Here's the other members of the team: Me, Christine, Rachael, Lydia. Woohoo!! Sports women!
.jpg)
Here's the Toa Payoh Badminton courts.
Me and Rachael..sorry didn't turn on flash.
.jpg)
This time got flash but abit blur. oops
.jpg)
Me and Lydia!!
.jpg)
posted at [4:22 PM]
_____________
Thursday, August 21, 2008
:: Thank You, God, for Everything ::
I am beginning to see Him in me in a clearer picture. And I do not want any mistake of my foolishness to be at the expense of my destiny in Christ. I want to set my life apart just for Him, so as not to flaw the beautiful sculpture He is moulding me into. All flaws shall be removed in Jesus name!
I'm so blessed by John, as I had a lunch session with him this afternoon. It's relevational realisation once again. I'll remember whatever he has imparted. I can't believe this reality; "someone's watching over me". This "someone" isn't in capital letters. It isn't God that I was referring to. There's always someone watching you. So you can either bless this "someone" with what you're doing, speaking, etc, or you can stumble that very same person. Which will you choose? The answer is obvious.
Hence I don't want my mistakes to stumble others who see me. I want others to see Him whenever they see me; which I always pray for at my workplace. There's greater purpose everywhere we are.
My FC once commented this "you have good survival instincts and keen awareness of your surrounding who can make the most/best of a "sticky" situation ". haha. Survival instincts. It took me very long to understand that. Whenever I'm praised or complimented, I would go into the asian cycle of false humility, saying "no la..i'm not that good la". And have I just done? I rejected a conviction of either my gift, my ability that God has given. In other words, I have just turned down what God has done or can do in my life. No more false humility, Grace. It's good to know where you're at and where are your strengths. That doesn't mean you're already up to it, that you can sit back and relax. No, you work further on that till you're up to it.
posted at [5:03 PM]
_____________
Thursday, August 14, 2008
pics at adm-incomplete post
I've managed to take alot of PICS during the last two days at Acher Daniel's Midland Cocoa! Memories to be relived. I miss them all badly!!! 15th August arrived too quickly...Sobs.
Here's a group photo of the Finance Department:
(from left to right-First Row: PeiPei, Ivy, ME, Cecilia, Felicia. Back Row: KC, PK, BeeLeng.)
Ahh..this is my 2nd crush at ADM Cocoa. His name is Roger Loh, from the Trading Department.
This is my Finance/Accounting Manager's room; Cecilia Yeo. See the many decorated stuff around her room! The many pics of her son and daughter, and the artworks of them.
Haha. PK says I looked a little like Cecilia, when he saw my pic. Really?? hahaha.. Anyway, that's definitely a compliment!! hahaha!! "Ngoh Teh Dou Hai LENG LOI!!"
This is KC, the Financial Controller. This is his room, the biggest among the rest. HE's the one whom I felt he resembles Alan Sim in his looks, but he portrays Pastor Peter in his speech.
This is Verna, who's one of the accounting supervisor. A very funky lady, who's still having fun and many activities at her age. I'll remember what's "zeng", Verna. haha.
.jpg)
This is BeeLeng, the other Accounts supervisor. A very ha-vock lady at her age!! The one who often make us laugh!!! She's a good dancer too!! Can't wait to see her dance at our KBox session on the 26th Aug. YEs, I'm still meeting up with the finance department!! Hooray!!
Here's PK Chong. haha. HE's the Finance Director, attached to ADM S'pore. HE said I looked as if I'm so scared to stand closer to him, that's why we retook a couple of photos. haha. Yes, I was. But he's a nice guy and a nice boss.
And this is Ivy!!! She's very jie-jie to me. haha. She's one of the accounts executive in the department. Very friendly and helpful!! Thank God for her.
.jpg)
Here's PeiPei, whom I was directed to her by Cecilia Yeo right from my first day, who guided me in the Accounts Payables, etc.
This is Felicia Choy. haha. The one who teaches me and PeiPei how to fine-tune our cantonese accent. ahhahaha. She's also another hee-hee-ha-ha lady in the department. Most of us felt she should be part of Mediacorp, perhaps Jack Neo's team, to create humour. haha!
.JPG)
.JPG)
This is TingTing, who's not so outspoken than the rest, but she's very intelligent!
.jpg)
This are the HR personnel gang. haha. They're really nice ppl. Of course, HR ma...first to receive people in ma.
There's Lilian, me and PuiLin. haha. THey're both in red!! National Day!!! They're so smart at helping me find-out details about No.2 and No.1 hahaha!! PuiLin even helped me ask Roger into their room, so that I could pass him a gift, and have a little chat with him.
This is MAS. (not Mas Selamat). I can't remember his full name. He's also one of the HR personnel, who always delivers internal and external mails up to our department.
Ah..I've come to the end of the internship. I'll miss all of you guys!! CRY.. Glad we are still meeting up on the 26th Aug for KBox session!!! Cool. haha. Must prepare more songs ah. Drink more Honey Lemon. haha. I'm so touched to have received so many gifts from the different ones. I didn't expect anything. All I wanted was to give them something as a small token from me. I'm moved to tears to see even lovely emails from my colleagues and managers!! Thank God for all of them, and for such favor He has provided. Cecilia said she tried to let me experience here and there when she sees the opportunity; I wanted to say that I prayed for these opportunities and hence she has seen them. Opportunities can be CREATED. It's amazing how God works! Each time I prayed that He'll give me something new to learn, the next minute I'll see Cecilia coming to me with a new file, a new document, etc to teach and explain. Wow. I really see His works. It's really this: Ask and you'll get it!
This is a cake given by Cecilia. SO sweet of her. She told me this when she gave this to me, "This is just for you ah. Don't go and share with the rest ah.." hahaha!! There are more items below.
.jpg)
This is a notebook, a "lion" animated stapler, a sunflower clip, and a card also from Cecilia. Aww..so sweet. I was so surprised when she gave them to me.
These are given by BeeLeng. Meiji panda bear biscuits and Oreo Wafer Sticks. haha.. I know BeeLeng, really cares alot for my tummy. Coz I always complain of hunger at work, and I'm always eating every 2hours. If I don't, I'll complain of giddiness and fainting spells. There's also a necklace from her. Aww..So sweet!!
This is from Ivy!! Ivy Lee..Li Jing Mei. haha!! It's a PARKER pen!!! Wow!! Seeing every gift from the different ones makes me find harder to leave. ahhh..
This is a handphone pouch from PeiPei. Very retro and cool wor!!!
posted at [9:22 PM]
_____________
:: So Far ::
I guess I'm down with the pms syndrome, which has led to become really emotional these days. I cried just before serving at prayer rally, just because Paul said certain things. I also become one who hold grudges easily, and I show it evidently. However, I'm glad I've got different ones who speak to me. I never knew I could learn so much from Linda, coz I always feel that she's very fierce and "tao". But I receive amazing advices from her, with regards to emotional health, and our trust in God; hence living our lives to the fullest everyday, with the joy of the Lord.
P.Pete reminded me at the last 10seconds before the 2nd service started, that I should present myself as a worshipper of God, especially when I'm standing in the middle (where everyone would notice easily). Priscila also reminded me to smile, and Linda said it's to be the sacrifice of praise. I tried to let go, and I felt better!
Here's a video of John's birthday celebration:
Thanks to Leroy, that I can purchase the contact lenses of 6 months' supply for RM$100. Today's conversion rate from RM to SGD is 0.422951, hence it's S$42.29. WOW!! If I buy the same brand and for also 6 months supply in S'pore, I'll be paying S$80++ actually. Hence I've saved close to 50% of the deal!!
I felt pretty wierd this morning. I didn't feel like going to work. Coz I knew it's my last week. If I go to work, it means I'm closer to the last day. I don't want my last day to come, although I know that my body needs a break. haha. During the day, it went pretty slow and sleepy, haha. Coz today's independent day for me, as PeiPei isn't around to give me instructions. So I did everything on my own. During the later part of the day, when my manager, Cecilia, together with our financial controller, KC and the Trading Manager, Roy was having a discussive session with regards to how accountants present the statements, which differs from the way traders does it; the director (big boss) came in very concerned with the differences in figures which was far from his expectations, because there was a difference in methodology. Half-way through their discussion, I suddenly heard my name in the midst of their conversation. Initially I thought I had heard wrongly, but then I kept hearing my name again and again in the midst of their laughter. Anyway, they weren't saying anything bad about me; of course not, because I was just right outside their room. They were giving a scenario of what would happen to me if this or that takes place, and what I should do, etc. I wanted to pop my head in and say this, "Hmm? Who just called my name? I heard somebody calling my name? Who was that? Appear..haha!". hahahhah. Of course I didn't do that.
posted at [7:50 PM]
_____________
:: I'm Head Over Heels ::
What's wrong with me? Who do I actually like?? Maybe Ivan was just a mere infactuation. But the encounter with Roger has made me head over heels! I could see the gentleness and warmth in him.
Re-enactment:
4th August 2008, Monday, 1.45pm
I walked back towards the main office from the warehouse, and I saw Roy, Roger and Ivan who just came out from Roy's car and heading to the lobby. I held my head down and tried not to be so obviously looking at the two handsome guys: Roger and Ivan. As I reached the lobby, before they did, Roy and Ivan decided to take the stairs since it was only a level up. However, when my lift arrived, Roger rushed in together with me. I turned to look at him surprisingly. He then laughed and said he was lazy to take the stairs. And then he asked if I was a new staff or an intern here. I told him intern. Then guess what? He stretched out his hand towards me and introduced himself as Roger, and I SHOOK his hand, replying "I'm Grace. Nice to meet you." hahahah!! Ahhhh...I shook his hand leh!!!! Luckily it's just a level up to where we're heading, so he didn't get to see that I was on the verge to blush. Ahhhhh...
After the incident last Friday, my heart will beat so fast whenever I see him appearing at my department or when I go down to his office to retrieve documents from the his department and others. He's really a warm and kind-hearted person. And he's in the trading department! He goes on business trips to meet & entertain the other bosses! That's so remarkable. But I hope he's a Christian, otherwise, I'll pray VERY HARD that he experience God's love and accept Him.
posted at [7:34 PM]
_____________
Saturday, August 02, 2008
:: Over-done ::
I guess sometimes it's always best to leave a certain gap to things, especially when it comes to relationships. Getting too close might become dissastrous, which I hope it isn't true, but it happens. Rubbing of shoulders, quarrels, etc always rise up in the closer relationships, and not the not-so-close ones. Yes. I want very much to avoid such discrepancies, however, I also want very much to be closer in the relationship. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do.
It has happened. I don't want to say it's over.. I guess it's time we give ourselves time to think and discern.
I guess that should be applied to any relationships, even at work. Talking about work, I'm praying that God will give me His guidance on when to take initiative. For the system doesn't move in the manner where you're being told to do this and that. It's more of you initiative to offer to do this and that, etc. Although I'm only left with 2weeks of the internship, I believe I can do something. I know many times I feel so little and not much of help to the department, but I hope I can outgrow that area. It need not be a dramatic big help that I can offer; if it's just helping to clear one colleague's photocopying, I would also be willing to do so. At least I can help her in my little way, so that she doesn't have to do the photocopying but concentrate on heavier matters. Need God's wisdom.
Here are some pictures taken during the stock check on Friday, 1st August:
Look at the time!! Yes, we're very early, the first few in the Finance Department to reach the office that day, as we were involved in the stock check.
This is a picture of the WareHouse where the Cocoa butter, cocoa mass, cocoa powder, starbucks mocha powder, ICDM, etc are kept at cool temperatures.
There's the forklift that carries max 2pax up to as high as 5storey to view the stocks that were packed on higher levels.
HEre's me at my desk. haha. This is an angle from the back of my desk.
There's FElicia and me, who were also part of the stock check for August. We do stock check so as to reconcile the inventory values with the warehouse's report. This was taken before the stock check, where we were still pretty awake. haha!
Haha..We wanted a full view picture of our OVERALL uniform, as it was our first time wearing it; coz Felicia is a new staff in the Finance too (about 3months). Alamak..Felicia's kopi can be seen. haha.
Here's TingTing and me, who was our mentor in taking us around the warehouse and WIP to experience how the stock check goes. She's pretty tired out after the 3hours of stock check. haha. We took this in the lift. haha!! My wonderful suggestion......
This is KC's room, from my desk. Yes..I'm seated right outside his room! The financial controller's room!! Hence I get to meet YeongChye (the BIG BOSS), whenever he visits KC to discuss the P&L or other matters.
The room at the end is Cecilia's room, my manager's room. Yes, very far away from me. THere's no one in the room as it's only 7.04am.
Here are the 2accounts supervisors desks, seated in front of my desk. haha.
posted at [9:29 PM]
_____________