The crazy thing PMS does to me is that I don't get angry but I get emotional. I cry alot alot. haha. Sounds ridiculous. When I told my colleagues that, they were also in disbelief. haha. I was pretty upset this morning because everyone else were going for LCE except me. When Clare asked this so subtlely, I didn't know what to answer, "Kevin and I are also going for LCE. How come you are not?". I just replied, "I'm not yet commissioned. It's a long story. I'll go back home then". Clare then mentioned this, "Oh..Kevin and I are also not commissioned. But Pastor asked us to come this afternoon to attend the LCE". I was like, "huh? Really?". Alright. What should I say? I just went home then.
It was then I began to realise what John has said to me about SP is pretty true. It has been a long time (2years) since Pastor spoke to me about it. And too long a period would result in me perhaps thinking whether I'm not good enough, and confused, etc. At that point of time I felt that I perhaps wouldn't even think of that. BUt..it's only this afternoon I really began to feel so. I began to question why Pastor hasn't said anything till now. Why did he choose Clare so easily? Is it because she's 4years older than me? As what Nicky said previously, "Even the DL have Junior SP". So what's there to say about me, perhaps being one of the youngest in CM. I went into a series of disillusion. What's wrong with me? Am I not meant to have any success in life? Does promotion goes to the others and never me? Has SP ceased to exist in my life? AM I not called to do greater things?
I started crying on the bus home. It was a long ride, 2hrs, from PL to Boon Lay. I'm glad I didn't cry throughout the 2hrs. Terrible for eyes. I never thought I would feel so about this SP issue. It reminds me of the past. Communication between an employer and an employee is so so important. How much more important is that between a pastor and a disciple. I don't want to see it as a breach of contract. I believe there might be something I don't understand from him yet. I'm waiting to find out. I have to speak now. I don't want to sit back and wait for things to happen. I MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Cecilia said this many times, "If you ask, you might be able to get it. If you don't ask, you'll get nothing." Therefore, it's time I speak up. Pastor Peter, it's time to see that Grace is not just another little girl. She can speak!!
Thank God for what He has done for me. Last Friday, our Finance department had another lunch outing! Hooray. haha. Not only becoz I get to have a good treat. More importantly that I look forward for such outings is that I get to interact with everyone else in a non-office manner. In other words, I can talk very casually to my managers, Cecilia and KC and also to the Finance Director, PK. Although they often tease me at such occasions, but I enjoy talking with them. I was so embarrassed and shocked when Cecilia make a remark to me, saying "So now you don't have to go to the toilet to laugh already right?". haha!! My first response was, "Huh? How did she know?". OH MY GOODNESS. Her immediate reply was, "Why do I not know?". hahahha. OH DEAR.... How did my rumors get to her man... Coz in the past when I still wasn't comfortable interacting with the rest, whenever I came across something being said or done in the office that was so funny, I didn't dare laugh out loud in front of them, so I hold it and went to the toilet to laugh. hahah!! It was only a few weeks back then I told my colleagues about it, when I'm already comfortable with them. Oh dear...and Cecilia actually already knows about it. Ivy was saying, "Hey..our department very small only leh. MEssages pass down very fast. Then later can even pass down to 2nd level to the commercial department". Ahhhh, my immediate reaction was, "Cannot cannot! Cannot pass down to 2nd level. Super embarrassing la..". BUt KC didn't know..haha. When Cecilia explained to him, I felt that I wanna hide my head immediately la. Oh my goodness. She said, "Everytime she wanna laugh but dare not laugh, she'll cover her mouth and run to the toilet to laugh it out", then she shake her head and laugh. Alamak. KC then started micmicking me, as he covers his mouth. Argh...oh dear. And he said, now she don't need to go to the toilet, she can laugh like that (covering his mouth) at her desk. hahaha. Then I explained to Cecilia why I did that, bcoz I don't want to laugh in front of those who speak in the manner that makes me wanna laugh, for fear I would offend them ma. Then she replied, "Huh? Who will be offended? You let me know". haha! Da Jie Da leh..
Coz the lunch was at Kushimbo, a Japanese restaurant, a buffet system..we must eat finish all we took within one hour to have the promotion price of $20.79 per pax. KC then commented, "Grace ah, I expect you to eat more than the rest!". Alamak.. I replied that he doesn't have to worry, if I can't finish I'll pass it to him. Then both KC and Cecilia replied, "No! Cannot, you must finish". Wahseh.. KC said, "We must make her put on till 45kg, from her current weight 40kg. Make her gain 5kg before she leaves." hahah!! Impossible la.. Btw, I'm now 43kg already!! Yay!!! Hopefully I can really become 45kg by August. Then I'll miss all of them.. boohoo. Bcoz the Jap restaurant was at Jurong Point, KC asked, "So Grace, later after lunch you'll be going home to sleep ah?". haha!! I replied, "No..I'm going back with you guys to the office. Don't wanna go home..so boring at home. NObody's home to laugh with me. haha". Cecilia then said, "Oh, so here's better ah?". haha!! I replied, "yes..coz go home very boring ah". haha. THen KC said, "So I pushed you to talk to the rest is good right? Now you get to know more people right?". I just nodded my head and giggled. Yahh..in the past it was so pressurizing man. Whenever he's around, I felt so bad to let him see that I'm not talking to the rest again. Now it's resolved. haha!
On our way to JP, I pointed to them where I stay, coz it's so near that I can see my flat. Then BeeLeng suddenly mentioned about going for karaoke at my place after lunch. I was like..huh? "But..I don't have microphone at home leh..". KC and Cecilia immediately replied, "Don't have mic very easy one. Later we can always buy..". huh??? Serious meh? KTV at my place? No la. They're just joking la.
During lunch, KC suddenly mentioned something, "So how? You must be bored with the mandane-everyday tasks. You want something more challenging?". Haha!! I replied, "I'm okie with the mandane stuff (I don't detest doing them). But I don't mind have more challenging stuff. haha!!". Sounds like I'm asking for trouble. Aiya..but if don't have challenges how can you learn more, Grace.. KC then said that they wanna expose me to more things. SO he mentioned to me about going for the next mth's stocktake, and he asked if I've already learnt from TingTing how to do the Provision for doubtful debts (yes! so glad I did).
When one hour's almost up, Ivy and I were still getting our ice-cream. Bcoz it was self-service buffet, we have to press down our own ice-cream. There were 3 openings to the ice-cream pusher, then when I pressed the first pusher, Ivy suddenly was pretty confused where the ice cream would fall out from..then we put our cup here and there and here then to find that the particular pusher would bring out the ice-cream under where that pusher is..haha!! So funny la. Later we laugh like mad. Then to realise that 1hour is up!! We just brought out our ice cream, since it is disposable cup, but we didn't know if we were allowed to. haha! But we still brought it out!!! haha! But.....we got NO SPOON for the ice-cream. Everyone else were laughing at us, bringing the ice-cream out and don't know how to consume it. Then we went to take the SweetTalk's bubble tea's straw to scoop and eat our ice-cream. hahahah!! People were staring at us la... Ivy was saying, "this can be the latest trend of eating ice-cream with bubble tea straw. we start it first, then others will follow.". hahah!!! Sounds familiar man. John also said we start it from our cell first (in prayer and in many examples).
Since it was only 1pm, Cecilia and KC gave us all the greenlight to go and shop around Jurong Point and be back at the carpark by 1.30pm. THe last one to be back will have to settle the taxi-fare, ahhha!! Coz PK went off after lunch, so only left with Cecilia who's driving. Therefore some of us have to take cab.
When we were in Cecilia's car, haha, I got Ivy to take a pic of me with Cecilia's bear. haha!! It's Mr. Bean's bear. Felicia threw the bear to me from the back seat on our way back to office, and said "Nah..Your favorite la.". hahah!! Cecilia then said, "Ya..we got a baby in front." alamak. I'm not a baby la..