Miss ConGeNiaLity's Chronicles

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Friday, May 23, 2008

:: What's wrong with you, Grace? ::

What's wrong with me?

We started off practice with a session of prayer, sth I always yearn about. I like to pray, pray for the ppl, the ministry, the nations. Then why is it that I always stammer at my words when I pray with pple I'm not so familiar with. When Paul came over to join me and Nicky, I almost decided to stay mute, and let them do the shoutings and big-prayer thing. But I don't want, I wanna pray, and I wanna intercede. Then came my turn, after both their prayers, I was so distracted by Paul...He kept going on and on in words and in tongues which were overpowering my petite volume of prayer. And I ended up praying like this:

"Father, I wanna lift up the entire ministry into Your hands (pause) (pause) (can't breathe properly) (silent screams in my head) (pause)..God I pray for the ministry that You will (pause) (pause) that You will come and bring forth Your renewing power upon our (pause) (pause) upon our lives and renew our heart and our desires and that You will (pause) (will what?) that You will give us courage so that we can step up to the new level in boldness for we're called to do great exploits and we're the head and not the tail so I ask for boldness (pause) in Jesus name I pray Amen".

Well..at least I prayed. Instead of remaining mute like I use to in the past. In the past I would choose to keep silent and let the others pray. Bcoz each time as I hear them pray, I felt like my prayer can't compare to theirs. It's nonsense I know that I'm thinking this way. I felt that if this was an essay, I might write (pray) out of point, while the others knew the gist of the prayer pointers. I also don't wanna pray for the sake of praying, without expressing and asking God the exact issues that impress upon my heart. Each time at the prayer session, on one side i'm excited and the other side I'm very ANXIOUS. It reminds me of that time when I prayed with Clare. It was "Dear God I thank you for this sweet spirit You've given to her. (pause) I thank You for her life. (pause) I...I.........". Then Pastor Pete began to asked everyone to gather back! I remember telling Clare, "I'm sorry..I didn't pray enough for you. I didn't manage to bless you". Oh my......

When will this stop??

Another issue: why is it at cell I tend to not to be the 1st to say my testimony and share? Everytime I have smthing to share, I'll have to go through an entire process of restructuring, paraphrasing, etc etc. Maybe it's bcoz of the aftermath of how I do things in my previous cell, so as to accomodate the different ones there. By the time I'm done, and finished trying to believe that whatever I say will make sense and it isn't childish, it was time to move onto the next topic for discussion. sigh.....in the end, I didn't get to share!! Oh my goodness.....

Today's cell, I have sth to share regarding CCI1. BUt.....I missed the opportunity again. Then to share about our week...then...miss again. Sigh.....

posted at [11:43 PM]

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Intro

Thank you to all who visits my blog!! My entries would be a mirror of my life stories. Some of the entries might not sound edifying. However, at the end of the day, He'll bring good.
If you're looking for one with a "perfect" life, you'd be disappointed. I'm still human afterall, living in the imperfect earth and imperfect market.
My email: servantgrace777@gmail.com

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