John trying to find his car...to send us home. haha
john trying to find his car...we climbed till deck 3A? then to find it at deck 2A. haha.
posted at [4:24 PM]
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:: The Righteous Will Be Rewarded ::
I'm so glad that God has provided me with the book for ELC, that I could bring it into the examination hall. Blackstone's Statutes on Contract, Tort and Restitution (OUP). Many students are really selfish at this junction of exams. They would refuse to return the books, rather paying the fines. It makes economic sense to pay a fine or a few dollars than to pay $31+ to purchase an entire book. However, that's at the expense of other students who want to borrow. Hmm..I actually had the intention to not return the book and pay the fine just to secure the book with me throughout the paper. However, I'm not sure why I returned it last Friday. I guess God led me. That's only righteous. Hence, I was really anxious throughout the week when I still receive no calls from the library, which means that book I had reserved, is not ready for collection. All 6-7copies of it are out on loan. Dratz...I fret and started smsing all my friends, from NUS, SMU, etc. I checked out NLB as well, which only has it for reference and not for loan. During this period I then know who are my TRUE friends, who would go the extra mile to find the book for me. However, God was more resourceful. I got a call from the library about an hour after I smsed all my dear friends, and guess what...I could collect the book! Hooray!! I wondered which kind soul finally decided to return that book. I prayed a blessing over that person. haha. Behold the righteous!!
I've just spoken to my cell leader with regards to my "fairy-tale". I've not told anyone that before, except Rachael and my sister knows too. But i've not told this to even Charlotte, and my parents definitely know nuts about it. However, I didn't know where this courage I've gotten to tell my cell leader. Perhaps MSN seems fmore riendly and encourages ppl to chat beyond comfort zone. But I'm glad I've accounted this to at least a leader. And I've also decided to end the fairy tale, NO MORE EPISODES. It's gonna be VERY HARD, coz it used to be PART of my life. But I believe I can overcome for He has already overcome. PRaise God.
THis is the jamming the cell had done, just to sing Paul his birthday song. We went such extra mile but in the end we didn't manage to present it to him over the phone. BUt the video is enough to bless him. haha.
posted at [11:44 PM]
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Thank the Lord each morning as you wake up
The most dreadful thing has happened again. Being pressed down onto your bed, and struggling to get out. This time somehow I felt a "hand", big and strong holding onto my left hand, not letting go. I do not know how was it from the toilet did I get to my bed (in the dream), and that "hand" hasn't let me go. I tried struggling, praying, before I could finally get out of that dream into reality. It felt so real that even as I was awake, I didn't really know if I was. THe toilet, the bed, the surrounding were all the same, except for the atmosphere; which was very still and eerie.
This isn't the first time. And I guess I know it's because of my mistakes that I "brought" it back. I visited those places again: the restaurant, the "mdc", the roadsides, the "waters", the bookstores, the musical instruments store, etc. I wonder why each time these places which were NOT REAL actually appeared real to me. I can remember every structure of the building, the interior design, the interior arrangments of furnitures, etc. However, the faces of the people, seems unclear. They're actually my "control". It's time to end this fairy tale. NO ONE in there actually loves me, I made them so. I should come back to reality. Sometimes, my emotions itself might not be real in the fairy tale. It then reflects at reality, which confuses me at times, and I hence don't understand my emotions. At times in reality, I can't function especially when something bad happens. Becoz in the fairy tale I could always do it all over again; I could re-write the scripts. Although I often use the fairy tale to prepare myself for the bad times, and how I should react. However, they're all unreal. In reality, it isn't anything of that sort, at most there are a few similarities. I would still feel hurt and depressed. I can't run away from dark periods. I just have to face it. All fame, recognition and reputation I attained in the fairy tale just wouldn't come to pass. For in reality, my fame, my recognition and reputation should be based on Him, my God and Savior. Men of status would not bring me any further.
Now, I guess I've to do this. Lord Jesus, please help me put an end to the fairy tale. Seal (The End) this fairy tale in the name of Jesus. Let me not go back to renovate any of the scenes and relive the musky places I have architected. I, Grace, put an end to the fairy tale in the NAME OF JESUS! Be GONE!
posted at [11:18 AM]
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the 2 scenes that made me cry alot
The Truth:
Rhythm of Life
posted at [10:54 AM]
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Where Did I Go Right?
I had this feeling of premonition last night. I wonder where did it came from. I asked for the peace of God, and I was warmed with His love. Yesterday's tawg seems to prelude a revelation of rising up. Although it would be hard to visualise what I've read, I guess this can come to pass only if I'm willing. The problem of parsimony.
As I met Nicky last Fri for lunch, we came into the topic of missions. I was reminded of my calling of many donkey years ago. However, I've still not gone for any of such trips. Worst of all, I've not taken steps to do so. Preparation of finances, of approval from family, of myself! It's time I do something. Not pack up and go now. That's not what I'm saying. It's time I do something to prepare myself for missions. I can't go there empty handed, and with a poor set of knowledge, and w/o clarity in speaking and eloquence in the use of words sensitive to the different aspects.
Recently, I felt that I have become so so dependent on someone, instead of Someone. I'm feeling really guilty. Yet I'm not doing anything to help. Everytime I try to prevent myself from depending on you, the closer I get to you. I wanna depend on Him, for it would be meaningless depending on someone who would fade together as the world passes. I wanna depend on Him who truly loves me for who I am, and I need not fear that He might despise me in the certain ways I does things, etc. I need not be careful at my every word, for fear that it wouldn't sound perfect without much clarity. He's not like you. When something goes wrong, crying out to you would deem nothing, as it bounds back to me. Only He can give me the peace amongst the waves of rages around me. I should stop reading your msgs each night I can't get to sleep. I want to receive new msgs from God, msg of truth, and God doesn't need a handphone. haha. Each time I pray that I don't get distracted by you, esp when I'm serving. However, am I trying to run away from you? Is that gonna be the solution? There should be a better way isn't it. I wanna love God, love as a commitment. It's more tiring to commit to men than to commit to God. trust me. Coz you'll never be able to fully satisfy anyone, for only God can do so. If you're trying to do what only God can do, you'll definitely fail and nothing would come to pass. (I can't believe I just said that. This is new revelation to me).
Sometimes I feel that you can be so close to someone, but yet you're actually not. I felt as if I don't understand YOU. Who are you? What exactly are you? I don't understand the words that you say. I don't understand why are you doing this. I don't even know when your words are truth. I feel as if you're a total stranger, whom I'm trying my best to explore and to understand, which is the most painful thing to do. Sometimes I fear the worst. I fear that you might come to put an end to me. I fear I am unable to protect myself and the others. God, this life I don't understand, but I submit my fears and confusion to You. I pray Lord, for Your protection each an every day. Preserve my life for Your purposes. Let me not perish in the hands of ....... Help me to love this person. I pray for the clarity of mind. Teach me what to speak in Your kairos time.
I'm very emotionally attached to the everyday's grievance and resentment. The disasters, the suicides I hear about, etc. I'm confuse why some choose to end it all. Are they lack of strength, or do they perceive that all is over and no one loves them anymore, and no one cares for them anymore, and no one understand them? I'm glad that my Savior came to know before I knew Him. I knew that even all would desert from me, He is still FOR me. The love that never fails. I don't need to be someone to say those words on a roof top, etc. For I have the Love of God. This is so important. It hurts me alot to witness such events. Even if it were just a drama.
TREASURE LIFE. DON'T LEAVE WITH REGRETS. LIVE WITH HIS PURPOSE.
posted at [11:40 AM]
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:: Annual General Meeting ::
Can you believe that I've attended my 1st AGM this afternoon? haha. Initially I was so afraid to go, coz I hardly knew anyone who will be going. All those who I know were registered members refuses to go, as they can hardly understand the procedures and the terms. Hence I could find no one to go with. But I remember Clare saying Kevin would be interested to go. Though Clare didn't turn up this afternoon, at least I went. When I had arrived, I smsed Kevin, who said he'll be late. ahhh.... I went to airport to hide first, coz I really don't know what to do being so early at an AGM. THere's no networking I can do anyway, not knowing much of the B.O.D.
Then it was time, I decided just to go in. Can't stay outside all day long right? I can't be doing this when I eventually step into the corporate world, going for AGM as a shareholder. I cannot always be so dependent on others. When i went up, I had to register and took a no.(was for their headcount). When I stepped in I was rather confused. THere were so many signboards: members, nominees & spouses, etc. I just saw my friend, Iryn, whom I knew from Father's Love and settled there with her. Phew.... At least I see a familiar face, besides P.Pete who was leading worship. P.Pete appeared to be very surprised to see me. haha. Kevin was like "you impress your pastor!". haha. diao.....
At the AGM, when Kevin had arrived(when worship almost ended), he was very quick at calculating the ratios and evaluating the situation. I learnt alot from the meeting. It's also abit of ELC. Once the call is given to show a raise of hands in agreement in favor of the proposal, no one can interrupt with further questions, unless the person chooses to object/abstain in the later part. I'm glad that the church is conservative, or I should say Prudence. Most of the incomes obtained are put into FDs, instead of investing them into other areas. Although there'll be lesser returns, but it's prudence in the context of a church.
During the votings, and agreements, Iryn and I appeared really silly. We raised our right(cannot left) hands and then we looked at each other and giggled. haha. Really 1st-timers. But at least I knew what was going on, and I learn new stuff. haha.
Many more details were revealed at the AGM, which I think it's not supposed to be declared by me on this blog. haha. Wanna know? Go for next year's AGM. haha. Kevin was saying we should encourage more CMers to come for the AGM. haha. encourage his cell, my cell, etc.
haha...See how la. Hopefully & prayerfully MinMin and Rachael gets baptised this yr, so they can join me for next yr's AGM. ahha.
posted at [8:40 PM]
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:: What's wrong with you, Grace? ::
What's wrong with me?
We started off practice with a session of prayer, sth I always yearn about. I like to pray, pray for the ppl, the ministry, the nations. Then why is it that I always stammer at my words when I pray with pple I'm not so familiar with. When Paul came over to join me and Nicky, I almost decided to stay mute, and let them do the shoutings and big-prayer thing. But I don't want, I wanna pray, and I wanna intercede. Then came my turn, after both their prayers, I was so distracted by Paul...He kept going on and on in words and in tongues which were overpowering my petite volume of prayer. And I ended up praying like this:
"Father, I wanna lift up the entire ministry into Your hands (pause) (pause) (can't breathe properly) (silent screams in my head) (pause)..God I pray for the ministry that You will (pause) (pause) that You will come and bring forth Your renewing power upon our (pause) (pause) upon our lives and renew our heart and our desires and that You will (pause) (will what?) that You will give us courage so that we can step up to the new level in boldness for we're called to do great exploits and we're the head and not the tail so I ask for boldness (pause) in Jesus name I pray Amen".
Well..at least I prayed. Instead of remaining mute like I use to in the past. In the past I would choose to keep silent and let the others pray. Bcoz each time as I hear them pray, I felt like my prayer can't compare to theirs. It's nonsense I know that I'm thinking this way. I felt that if this was an essay, I might write (pray) out of point, while the others knew the gist of the prayer pointers. I also don't wanna pray for the sake of praying, without expressing and asking God the exact issues that impress upon my heart. Each time at the prayer session, on one side i'm excited and the other side I'm very ANXIOUS. It reminds me of that time when I prayed with Clare. It was "Dear God I thank you for this sweet spirit You've given to her. (pause) I thank You for her life. (pause) I...I.........". Then Pastor Pete began to asked everyone to gather back! I remember telling Clare, "I'm sorry..I didn't pray enough for you. I didn't manage to bless you". Oh my......
When will this stop??
Another issue: why is it at cell I tend to not to be the 1st to say my testimony and share? Everytime I have smthing to share, I'll have to go through an entire process of restructuring, paraphrasing, etc etc. Maybe it's bcoz of the aftermath of how I do things in my previous cell, so as to accomodate the different ones there. By the time I'm done, and finished trying to believe that whatever I say will make sense and it isn't childish, it was time to move onto the next topic for discussion. sigh.....in the end, I didn't get to share!! Oh my goodness.....
Today's cell, I have sth to share regarding CCI1. BUt.....I missed the opportunity again. Then to share about our week...then...miss again. Sigh.....
posted at [11:43 PM]
:: who's on your left & right? ::
Although it has been nice meeting people throughout the week. However, those meetings aren't the ones that would sustain you. Practically NO ONE can stay by your side 24/7. No one. After each meetings, you're on your own all over again. The only ONE who can stay by your side forever, would be Him.
Each time I feel empty whenever a meeting is called off. It just makes me realised the fact of reality, that no one can stay beside me forever. In fact, I can find no one and I can't ask anyone to do so. Even if it's done under duress or undue influence, it isn't the company I'm awaiting for. Hence it's meaningless.
"If one would to start pointing fingers, nobody can escape blame". This was mentioned during the rhythm of life by Jeanette who starred as XiaoRou.
Sometimes, when things happened, as humans we try to find an explanation to it. We don't just analyse the outcomes, but we search for explanations to why this has happened. Researches have been done and proven so. Hence, we are all equally guilty of the "blame game".
Blame who?
1. you
2. myself
3. others
4. nature
5. culture
6. etc
. ..................it's to infinity.
Infinite life asset; FRS 16: Property Plant and Equipment.
Anyway, I was just trying to summarise the different aspects in my units: law, human resource and financial reporting.
posted at [4:08 PM]
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:: Feeling flooded with tonnes of info within me::
How I wish I could just explode all info I've been consuming these weeks. I feel really nauseaus and my entire being seems flooded with TOO MUCH info. Till I wanna puke!
Taken at Raffles Place, Six Battery Road, the Singapore River, in front of OUB building.
posted at [1:55 PM]
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:: Worship. Who? ::
Who were you worshipping? At every part of your life who are you thinking most?
I wanna say it's always Jesus. But it isn't always, although I do think about Him a different parts of the day. However, why isn't He the One I'm and I were thinking about almost the entire day? I've let someone else consumed my life till I can think about the person 24/7. I speak about the person almost at ANY conversation with ANYONE. Why do I always stop at someone who isn't the One who can satisfy me MOST and to the FULLEST?
I was hit on the nail when P.Dennnis mentioned "you become the person you worship". THAT IS SO SO TRUE! Let me list some examples:
1.When K taught me the "Samaritan Woman" dance, I could say that I "worshipped" K as an ideal dancer and annointed dancer that I've met. So do I become the person I worship? Yes. I've been dancing NON-STOP from 2007-2008. I had never danced before that. That's how powerful it is. The person you worship can make you do things you never imagine you can.
~similarly. God can make you do GREAT EXPLOITS if you worship Him and allow Him.
2.When I met C at the stairway, and the very first time I had this expression of C, it reminds me of EK(an actress). What's worst was that C commented me after the entire svc on my smile. Hence, that's how I spoke more to C. Knowing C's backgrd, C's position at the corporate workplace, I was awed... I admired the skills C has, the intellectual C speaks, the wisdom, etc. I began to "worship" C. oh my.... That's also why I was suddenly so into my financial reporting subject, and into money topics on the papers, net and television. I never was someone who would sit in front of my television to analyse and jot down notes on stuff like blue chips, tech stocks, etc. hmm.. Can this stop and not continue???
I wanna worship the Someone who would not leave me empty and tired of worshipping! And that CANNOT be men.
posted at [8:27 PM]
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:: CLEARED My TWO Most FEARED Papers ::
These were taken at Expo Foyer2. It's like a waiting area for everything. It's like another "airport".
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This was the "airport" I was referring to. It's a trinity christian centre at PL. I called it the "airport" because it looks like a waiting area, with large glass panels behind those seats.
God has been good! I managed to clear my two most feared papers, Financial Reporting and Microeconomics.
Wed-14th May 2008- Financial Reporting-1400-1745
Expo Hall 1- Row9 Desk 857
haha. I can even remember my row no. and desk no. Financial Reporting was good. The paper was do-able. It was as scary as I anticipated it to be. At the beginning of the year, I thought to myself that I would probably fail this paper and have to retake the next year. But I didn't want to let that happened. Just as I wanted to work harder, the more I wanted to GIVE UP. It was until I had spoken to Clare and Mr.Tigger(Kevin). Mr.Tigger kept asking me FRS queries and prompt me with all sort of FR questions. I knew I cannot run away. It seems that it's very much needed in the corporate world. It also gets a whole lot exciting to articulate FRS and IAS issues to Mr.Tigger and Clare. It had also motivated me. haha. God is smart man! I wouldn't even wanna study foreign currency for the test until Clare mentioned (in passing) that it's very important. If a banker says it's important, it's really important!! Not for kidding. Hence I just fearfully study that subject in case Mr.Tigger asks me any questions again, and for future purposes. haha. Hence I could do it in the exam yesterday.
I also wanna thank my lecturer Mr.James Kwan. haha. I msged him last night to thank him and told him how I felt the paper was. And his reply touched me, this time he has smileys on his sms. haha. He even said, "Don't mention. My contribution to your success is negligible". haha. So great to have a lecturer like him. He's gonna be my Management Accounting lecturer next year. great! He's one who attends to students' queries after lessons, outside lessons, in smses, in emails, etc. haha. I studied accordingly to those topics he had advised on, and they accurately appeared in the papers. Thank God. God gave him wisdom too..haha..for my sake. wahhaha.
Thursday-15th May 2008-Microeconomics-1000-1300
Expo Hall 1- Row 21 Desk 1125
Today's paper was TOUGH. It was also because I had spent TOO MUCH time on Financial Reporting. But I'm glad that I had cleared the paper. I should be able to pass when the passing mark is 34%. But I don't want 34% to be on my testimonial ah...very disgusting.... I'm praying hard for the markers' mercy and kindness to push it up to 50% at least. It looks nicer.
Anyway, microeconomics isn't my core papers. My core papers would be accounting-related: financial reporting, auditing, management accounting and financial management. I only took financial reporting this year, the rest are year 3's units. Next year would be tough. I must allocate time evenly to those units.
posted at [3:24 PM]
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:: Crazy-ness over at AMK ::
This is what happened at Ang Mo Kio this afternoon around 1pm. When the Singtel freebies givers gave out a pair of handphone-wipers in promotion of their RedPac mobile plan. See the commotion and the amount of people crowding round them.
Here's an interview Rachael and I did just for fun after we tried to get a pair of those handphone wipers too. haha.
posted at [5:44 PM]
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:: First Cell Meeting 9th May 2008 ::
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posted at [7:56 PM]
:: Clare's Place ::
Here are the pictures taken at Clare's place, Stirling road.
Rachael, Clare and Me.
MinMin, Clare and ME.
posted at [7:45 PM]
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:: Last Evening over at Clare's place ::
Because I'm blogging in school, I wouldn't be able to uplaod any pictures for now. MinMin initiated the meeting this time, as her exams are over and wanna catch-up with Clare, and called me along.
Clare, who's an extrovert, asked for more people along. She asked for Rachael, so we called her along too. yesterday, I had to wear make-up to mask my frailty. I'm very pale and I wear black rings round my eyes. That's because I've been sleeping really late these days...I stayed up till 2plus everyday. It's bad for health, but ironically it makes me feel secure. "At least I've played my part in working hard". haha.
On my way home last night, Clare msged me. She said she understand how it is with regards to me being breathless at times. She encouraged me to continue praising God and speak in tongues. She mentioned this and I felt it's a truth that I did not live out: "God's fighting the battle and causing us to win!" I know He is God, why didn't I treat Him as God. Instead, I become God when I strive and make things go MY WAY. That's New Age, unconsciously.
She also reminded me to enjoy myself and be energized with the power of the universe in me. haha. Because I'm His daughter.
Thank God for friends like Clare who reminds me truths that I have heard of, but chose not to live it out or worst still...chose not to believe. That's very sad. i'm sorry God.
posted at [3:48 PM]
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:: STRESS ::
I've recently created another blog, and it's for the cell.
The blog is pretty plain now, as I've only just set it up last afternoon. Esther would do up the design. Thank God. Coz I'm pretty bad at it. My blog's design was done with the help of my sis. haha. Can't imagine.
Anyway..these days I've been feeling rather stressful. It's as though I lack oxygen each time I reflect and think that I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!! I've been consolidating too much time onto one particular subject, and that's Financial Reporting!! Thanks to JK. Now I feel as though I might not pass the rest of the other 3 units. SCREAM!!!
Well..I believe in the GOd of miracles. This isn't said for comfort alright? I believe He will see me through, and I'll pass the other 3units, though they are not my CORE accounting units. I must still pass them and "da-pao" them into the next year. (got this term "da-pao" from ZiYu). haha.
When I received the Annual Report 2007 from church last weekend, as I'm a registered member (not a shareholder), I was pretty thrilled. haha. I realised all that I've been doing in my accounting units looks just perfectly the same on an annual report. I'm not learning "geena" stuff okie, (psss....Joshua!). It's not like algebra where you don't see them anywhere in the corporate world except on things like your TYS, textbooks. haha.
I also got to know the accounting methods our church use for tax, property, plant and equipment, leasing, etc. I think I'm not supposed to reveal here. I now better understand the outlook of an annual report. haha.
Glad that there's a plan to meet up with Clare on Thursday evening, together with my "geena" friends. haha. Just kidding. We're not "geena" okie!! (Get that in your mind, Joshua! and Kevin!) Just happy that in the midst of busyness, I do have a break to meet up with friends. So all the more I must study these few days before Thurs arrives. It's a motivation! haha.
I'll try take pics on that day. yay!! Before Clare shifts to her house at Eunos.
posted at [10:28 AM]
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Still In The New Cell Mood
These are videos of cell last Fri:
Why's everyone asking me to say grace, just becoz my name is Grace?
Watch Esther doing up a Pie Chart for the cell:
posted at [6:00 PM]
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:: New Cell ::
John, my cell leader, and Ellen, the assistant cell leader.
Awfully chocolate..
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Doritos chips...
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MinMin and Esther...
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Me, MinMin and Esther
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posted at [12:24 AM]
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:: This was what that happened ::
STUDY.................
Library at The Frontier:
NUS Science Library:
That's MinMin who needs a rest after studying MacroEconomics. Sorry ah, I'm still looking for my year1's notes to answer your GDP qns.
This is Rachael...who's mimicking "nauseaus" expression..
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I wonder how Rachael took this with my flash on....
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Studying on LABOUR DAY public holiday....These are what I need....
Portable Radio speakers....
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posted at [11:40 PM]
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