Miss ConGeNiaLity's Chronicles

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/30315547?origin\x3dhttp://graceeheart777.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Friday, April 04, 2008

:: I'm so glad I still have friends who Care ::

I was so upset about covenantal relationship last Friday, as I sort of had a dispute at cell. I somehow feel that I have no more to say to my cell leader. Non-existent. And I felt that we should go back to the status where both of us become strangers like before everything started. However, perhaps that's not the way to solve issues you see.

At practice this evening, somehow I felt that things perhaps weren't that bad. I still have people who would care for me! I might not have everyone but I'm glad I still have a few, who are sincere, and do not do it in a reciprocal instinct. Reciprocal instinct according to Human Resource Management, it's when you expect somebody to return you a favor if you had done a favor for that person.

When pastor asked for us to find someone who you LIKE to pray with. I was like..I don't have to find, he's just beside me, but he might not want to pray with me because he has guy's ego. When everyone started finding their partners, I was like "NOT AGAIN....", "I don't wanna end up with no partner and having to pray all by myself again". That's how I feel whenever I go for prayer meetings. And I do dread prayer meetings somehow, especially after the incident where I ran out half-way through the prayer meeting, bursting into tears and didn't want to go back.

However, Clare patted me from behind. Haha! I found a prayer partner. It's actually my prayer partner who has found me! haha. Phew...Need not go into the cycle of rejection again. After not praying with a partner for a LONG TIME, I became inferior again. Somehow I have this fear that the other party is hearing my prayer and correcting my grammar and would start criticising of my use of language. I knew Clare wouldn't do so. But somehow I still screwed up. I knew I don't know how to start the prayer, so I let Clare start the ball rolling. After it was my turn, I somehow became speechless after my 1st sentence. GRACE!!! WHAT HAPPENED?

Clare said it's okay. But I really felt sorry about it as she didn't get a chance to be blessed. I guess I have to work on this, and MOVE ON MOVE ON.

Actually as Clare was praying, I was amazed of what she was praying of.
1. reconcilation of past relationships
2. authority over evil
3. to overcome
4. studies

For a moment I thought she had been reading my blog all this while. But it was the power of God's prophetic ministry at work. She has not visited my blog at all (because I asked if she did), but somehow she knew what to pray on. It's amazing to have God's prophetic power at work.

I was really stressed and stretched at school. UOL revision workshops are crazy!!! It's inhuman. Especially to have lessons 10am-5pm on WEEKENDS, both SAT and SUN. I missed church and everything else. The weeks become really gloomy.

With regards to relationships, I've been having constant flashbacks of what happened in the past. The traumas and the pains. These have stopped me from growing deeper into the relationship, as trust has been broken. I no longer knew how to trust the person and even others.

In these days, I've been feeling sort of haunted. In the nights or in the mornings, I sorta always feel that there's "someone" or "something" behind me. It also seems that they are gonna fall upon behind me. I would be really spooked out at times, and have been screaming at home for many incidents. I scream when I see a white figure walking towards me, but to know that it was my sister actually. I scream when my sister starts speaking to me, as I thought I was the only one in the room. I scream when my mum walked into my room. I just SCREAM!

Perhaps it was also dued to the previous incident where I heard a "man" uttered some words (which I don't know what are they) to me at 3am one night, while I was praying before I slept. There was no man in my room. There was only me and my sister. My dad was asleep in another room. It definitely wasn't my dad, as the voice sounded right beside me! But I could see no one. Obviously it wasn't God. God would not be there to scare His children, and He would speak clearly, making sure He was heard. It frightened me alot. I shook my sister out of her sleep to pray with me. I prayed till somewhat 4am, till my body shuts down.

I believe He who's in me, is greater than he(small letter h) who's in the world!! I need strength to believe and I need to stay close with the Savior. I need Him alot. I need to claim authority over my life, that nothing can harm me without the permission of God.

I'm also in the midst of overcoming battles that I'm fighting over 10odd years.

Pastor also asked for those who needs healing. I'm praying that whatever the report says on the 4th of June it wouldn't be anything of these sort:
1. cancer
2. requires treatment- operation

It sounds too young for me to have such an illness, but I believe God is good. I somehow knew God would make it all fine. I need to constantly claim His healing.

posted at [11:47 PM]

_____________

Intro

Thank you to all who visits my blog!! My entries would be a mirror of my life stories. Some of the entries might not sound edifying. However, at the end of the day, He'll bring good.
If you're looking for one with a "perfect" life, you'd be disappointed. I'm still human afterall, living in the imperfect earth and imperfect market.
My email: servantgrace777@gmail.com

Tagboard by Tag-World