Here's YangTheng and me. WE are both Accountants-to-be. haha. That's because we're from the same course, BSc(Hons) Accounting & Finance. Actually we've something else at the back of the mind. She's thinking of heading towards the area of Finance Analyst. I'm thinking of Financial Control or Forensic Service (sounds fun!!). However, we'll both have to complete the 3 years of CPA bonding.

So excited. The names keep ringing in my ears. I must be MAD!

Price Waterhouse Coopers (PWC), Ernest & Youngs (E&Y), KPMG, Deloitte.....

Somehow I'm reminded of how worklife was while I was at MasterCard Asia Pacific. Mr Struat Mcdonald was always so friendly, and would speak to me, even when I was just a receptionist. I also remember the lady from FirstWaters, attached to MasterCard, who took down my contact after knowing I'm doing an accounting degree, and keeps calling me whenever she has offers here and there. I also remember of the silly boy from NUS who keeps visiting my reception for non-work related issues. I also remember how I was reprimanded by one of the marketing mgr from some bank as I did not let him in to use the toilet as his host was already making her way out to receive him. I also remember that very first lady who smiled at me on my first day, while I was feeling so insecure and weary. Cuz I felt as if everyone was 10times superior than I was, as I was in MASTERCARD! I also remember my superior whom I worked under, who was really caring and guiding. I really enjoy working there, and I get to see the transactions they do, especially on a daily basis. I get to receive guests and clients which was the happiest moments!! haha. Well...that was me at mastercard.

I'm really excited and at the same time I'm fretting. I've been observing the "working adults" dressings. haha. And I've decided to role-play..putting on some office wear and head for the cameras.

posted at [6:35 PM]

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Monday, April 14, 2008

:: Preference = Open Concept ::

This is where I study at today, at the large open-concept tables. These are all my highlighters and stuff on the desk. This table can hold 4 students, however, my stuff could take up to 3 person's. haha.

Thanks to Candice who had reminded me that the environment matters alot. The environment I'm studying at. Hence, I'm now looking to cool places.

Whenever I hide myself into books, in other words-mug for exams, I don't like to feel suffocated. My study room at home is filled with piles of books, stationeries, the computer, etc. The room would also give me a castrophobic feel. This is becoz HDB flats nowadays are pretty reduced in square metres. The rooms get smaller, yet prices are on the hike. How ironic?

Hence I'm in search of open-concept environment. The library at school has recently been renovated! They now have those open-concept tables like those over at Management House up at Namely Ave. Yay! However, you gotta come really early, say 8.30am (when the library opens) to get those tables. There are only 5 tables. Anyway, it's always good to be up early than late. A friend of mine from JP Morgan reports to work before 7am, and starts work at 7am! What's 8.30am?? Nothing compared to that.

I feel much better. I don't feel suffocated neither do I feel trapped within the cubicle tables the library usually provides in plenty. It's quieter as well, as the open concept conforms students around to be less noisy. I like it!! But I do like the library over at Esplanade, where I could see the RIVER while I'm studying. However, it's pretty expensive to be there the entire day. Transport fees, meals, etc. You know what I mean?

Haha. Nowadays I'm really amused and thrilled as I see people from the corporate world taking the same buses I take, boarding the same train as them. I'd start to observe their dressing, from clothes to shoes to bags. haha. I feel like I wanna be just like them! haha. It seems so cool to be early on the GO with all of them.

Alright..I know I'm sounding really silly here.

posted at [2:09 PM]

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

:: So much to learn from and catch up ::

Sometimes I feel that's so much to learn in life. SO much to learn from the different ones God has placed in my life, and so much to catch up. Am I giving myself too much pressure?



I was reflecting my thoughts across the table over lunch with Rachael and MinMin after adam's sunday service. All of a sudden, I could say so much. What is that held back my words on Friday? Why could Clare, Lydia, Nicky and many others in our group could contribute so much to the discussion?? On friday I felt somehow that my mind was frozen for any ideas or thoughts, and my vocal chords went mute. why is it like that? What is it that I'm afraid of?



I knew the answers to them actually. I knew I was afraid I would speak of the unspeakable, or speak out of point, speak wrongly, not giving any good point. It's not so much of the group I'm in. I could speak to them individually. Each and every single one of them. But when it comes to a group, I'm sorta reduced to muteness. Why? Am I afraid of the crowd?



Hence, I poured out my thoughts over lunch to Rachael and MinMin (Miss Beautiful; she wanted me to mention this here). Anyway... I felt I was able to speak my thoughts in an orderly manner, not just a "big bang" with very messy content. I didn't make just a few points, but many points! Why didn't I do that on Friday? sigh... How am I gonna survive in the corporate world which holds meetings like the way we have our regular meals?????



I'm very afraid I would be challenged to speak at meetings and yet I said nothing, or I said somewhat of no substance. sigh.... Why could Clare just easily gave a point regarding singers when she isn't a singer herself? Why could Lydia take the lead of the entire group where she don't exactly know them very well?



Am I trying so hard to fit in??

I'm worried about the corporate world too. Oh my goodness..

When will I ever stop worrying........?

posted at [8:52 PM]

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

:: Foreign Currency, Kele, Tigger, Cartridges ::

On my way home last night, after worship empowerment, as usual at the bus-stop opposite SBC.. Clare & Kevin were there too. They take buses from that same bus-stop as well. We went into FR-ing again, because I sorta told Clare that my financial reporting lecturer, Mr James Kwan over-run the lecture. It was good, but tiring as well. Lesson was from 12pm-3pm officially, but he went on till around 5pm. Kevin then gave me that remark, "got pay attention or not? what did you learn today?" haha. sounds so childish la, as if his my "father" who would speak like that to a child who just came back home from primary school.



I just told him I had a revision lecture on Foreign Currency. He went, "oh...". haha. Clare exclaimed that it's VERY IMPORTANT. Oh my goodness. No wonder James Kwan was rather puzzled when we said it's tough and we plan to drop that topic. Then Kevin pose a question for me, which sounded rather unclear. He asked "so, what's the carrying rate for Yen?". I thought to myself, "huh? Carrying rate...for Yen? I thought we're always given the rates and need not memorize them?". Before I said anything, Clare replied him saying something like "you don't need carrying rate for Yen...it's......". I couldn't catch what she said as I didn't understand what was said. haha. But I just merely told him that we just use two methods, Temporal method and Closing Rate method to translate a financial statement to the desired rate wanted. And Kevin went..."Oh.. Actually I don't even know what you're talking about.". haha!!! Clare then explained that he would always pretend as if he knows alot, and ask as if he knows the answers, but actually no. haha!! Then silly flesh in me shouted out, "haha! yay! finally I said something you do not understand!!". haha.



Clare went on to tell me the incident with Kevin about that "kele" dish she prepared while studying at US. haha. Kevin, as usual, appeared to be so knowledgeable about the dish as Clare was explaining to her friends. But actually no...haha. He could just go "ya... Kele. Ya, a German vegetable. ya.....ya...". REminds me of Leroy, "yaya, okok". haha.






Clare then went on to say that we could use that technique at times. Sometimes you don't wanna appear "green" in front of your clients, etc. You just simply nod your head, agree, etc. haha. Actually we often do that. haha, coz of human ego, "don't-want-to-lose-face" attitude. And posture is very important. You should not show to others that you're intimidated by them, or you're afraid of them through your posture. Maintain the ballet posture!!!



As it's Clare's birthday today. MinMin and I purchased some gift from my school. That's where i forget to collect the printer cartridge I paid for. As the plastic bag was not given, hence we had to ask for it, and she didn't help us put our items into it. Hence we left out the cartridge on accident. I pray that I could claim that on Monday. sigh.





We gave Clare a soft-toy "tigger", which could be hung onto cars and fridges, and refrigerator magnets and a card I made. haha. After I had boarded my bus, I saw Clare's sms: ".....I thought the tigger looks like Kevin". haha!!! I almost fell off my seat on the bus..... Haha. So funny. Actually, I also think so, after thinking about it. haha.



On my way home I was reflecting about certain things. Pastor called us to come to pray 30mins before practices, etc. In the prayer session, what I struggled most was when we were asked to pray out what we felt God has placed upon our hearts to pray about. I was very afraid. For a moment I felt like leaving. But I just stayed on, as I thought not everyone would be praying out ultimately. So I began to listen to how others did so. I need boldness!!! Alot.

posted at [4:54 PM]

:: So Much, Too Much ::

There's too much to say here. There's just simply so much that has happened.

I'll start from Tuesday. I met up with Clare on Tuesday night for dinner over at her place. She showed me a video on how this muslim converted to be a Christian. It was really amazing that how God could visit him without anyone presenting the gospel to him. His heart was right from the beginning, as he wanted all along to do as much as he could, just to please God.

In the video, it shows how he encountered spirits and how he entered into a spiritual realm. Hence Clare and I sorta spoke about the different encounters we had. To my surprise, she had the same encounter I had. "being pressed down on bed". I thought I was the only one, as whenever I share this with my cell they would be very indifferent in their responses. I felt encouraged as Clare relate that this could be the different spiritual sensitivities between different ones, and God could use us from there. It was not as if I'm wierd or abnormal, as she said it's kinda common. I felt I wasn't alone, unlike those responses I get from others.

She also shared how as she was delivered out of the whole episode of being pressed down, and how God showed her a vivid vision. A vision in which she could feel she was part of it, not just another glimpse of a movie sneak preview. You know what I mean? She also shared how it happens, as she was growing closer to God, when she was just converted.

As we go on, we spoke about our feels towards productions. She was rather supportive and encouraging as I present my views and feelings. Normally when I share that in cell, they would just keep really silent as if they didn't understood me. I felt really happy that someone could understand what I am going through and not pass a judgement at me immediately. Christ-likeness. In fact, at times, she felt the same too. She also did explain how she would overlook them by trying to put herself into the shoes of the leaders.

We went on talking about the ME singers and helpers at service and productions. I was really impressed at her advice. Really enlightened by her. haha. It seems that she does not need human resource management courses and could yet give such analogies. haha. As I relate to her that I'm supposed to do attendance check at services especially, hence I had to know the ME singers at least by name. That was how I got to know most of the ME singers. I did share my difficulties, and that's where she steps in and gave her advice. She said I should look at it as an employer-employee kinda social relationship whenever I tried to socialize. That means I have the upper hand and I would also give the employee space to move towards their potential according to their willingness. Hence I need not push, etc. I socialize also that the relationship would blossom and I could do my job well. "Can't imagine have all of your employees against you?" You'll definitely find it difficult to work with them. From there, you would see that you're attaining the certain amount of respect from them.

Hence I began to reflect back on how I started of pro-active to get to know each an everyone's name, so that I could take attendance. haha. From there, I start speaking to a few of them, whom I felt comfortable with. Hence, I got to know many of them, and we often have breakfast together. haha. As time passes, I realised that many of them would come to me rather often to for clarification. It shows that there's a certain trust they had in me. Be it MP3s, upcoming songs, attire, time, venue, etc. I could have taken all that for granted. However, I've come to know that people actually value me. That's something encouraging.

Then we started talking about cell. We're from different cells you see. However, it seems that I could relate to her better than to those who are in my cell. I shared my difficulties and was confused on what to do. Hence, we sorta came to a conclusion that I should speak to them. Firstly, so as to not have A to feel unfairly treated, I would speak to him first. Afterwhich, I'd speak to pastor with/without A alongside. However, before speaking to A, I guess I'd look for C who knows A better than I do, to see how we could go about doing this.

I'm kinda upset and unrested about this issue. I wondered how things have come thus far? Clare suggest that I leave it to pastor for his recommendation, instead of going straight to him with my own solution. Although I really wish I could switch cell, I have to look to pastor's suggestions. I also have to let him know that I don't switch cells just because of push factors. I'm usually not a person who leave immediately from a place where I encountered a problem. Take for example, taekwondo. If that was the case, I had long quited. Because I felt the club didn't value me, but I strived on. I ran into financial problems, and had difficulites paying training fees. But I stayed on and found a solution. I didn't leave the club immediately when there's a problem. Same for cell, if that was the case, I would have left long time ago. Being the youngest, among the minority gender, I was often out of place. However, I spoke to people about it, tried to change my perspectives and be more pro-active. Though these aren't exactly resolved, I still stayed on. However, when it comes to A, I felt that however I tried to change myself or whatever, it seems there could be no solution. Becoz A would not change. The whole time I felt I could hardly communicate with A. And this still holds till now. It has come to a point where A= non-existence of subject matter. A frustrated contract.

It could be perhaps A treats me as one of his students or as a little girl. His tone, his looks, and his words and actions. However, he gives a different treatment to the rest of the cell. Why? This isn't fair you see. There's no consideration for me, to try so hard on my part, where on the other hand you aren't. I don't understand why wasn't it like that when we first knew each other (when I was not yet in ministry).

I pray for God's best solution. I don't wanna hope for anything. God knows best.

posted at [4:05 PM]

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Monday, April 07, 2008

:: New Dance Videos ::

Thank You For Loving Me dance video. Sorry if you can't see my face. That was the purpose actually, as I'm just recording the steps not myself.

Where's the Love dance video.

this will be here only for a day. subsequently privatised.

posted at [8:55 PM]

:: Rachael's 21st Birthday ::

We celebrated Rachael's birthday today. We had a guy (a stranger to Rachael; Rachael doesn't know him) to go up to her and give her 21 Pink Roses. haha!!

Rachael (below, left) was utterly embarassed by the prankster, Boon (below, right).

During the dinner, we got both of them to sit together. haha. Here's the evidence.

Here's me and Rachael. This was done at vivo city.

MinMin and Rachael. "Told ya Rachael. You make funny face I'll put them up on my blog. haha"

This is a video of an interview with her.

Tribute to: Leroy, Boon (Leroy's friend-"prankster"), MinMin and myself. haha

posted at [8:41 PM]

:: Dance to Worship ::

This is a dance for the song we did for Easter, "Alabaster Jar".

The dancer is great, but I felt that in order to suit the dance to the song better, there could perhaps be lesser steps with slower movements and more emotions put onto the steps.

Here's another video. Though the quality is rather bad. But I feel this dancer's steps makes more contact with the lyrics. Although I felt that she could add in more steps which requires an entire body movement, rather than so much of hand movements.

I like this one alot. It has good moves, and not so fast movements. But the video is rather jerty. But I like this dance above the other videos. This is what I call contemporary dance.

posted at [10:29 AM]

No Commercial Obligation

I recalled yesterday at lunch, at the hawker centre, there's this old lady who goes around selling tissues. We rejected as we had ours. She went on and on saying how bad life was for her and her husband, and subsequently made this comment which deposits anger in me: "我这个老人买tissue 给人家看不起!" She even state that some would purchase but refuse to take her tissues, and why we can't even buy. I was really upset by what she had said. If she was selling tissues in that manner, she should be in an attitude of asking for favor, and not having the assumption that whoever who doesn't buy from her are against her. I felt like saying: "是你自己看不起自己好不好?" However, I held my words. She keep claiming that she can no longer work because of her age. And flaunt at us her used medicine wrappers, indicating that her husband and her need money for medical fees. She was really speaking all ill.

Do you know you become what you speak?

Goodness.. Firstly I do see people of her age working decent jobs, though the pay wouldn't be fantastic, at least they still have a job. It isn't true that she can no longer work at her age. Moreover, showing me your used medicine wrappers doesn't prove to me that you've been sick for a long period. Actually they look like the polyclinics wrappers for medicines than hospitals'. How would I know if you had purchased merely painkillers from the polyclinics? What's more important, how would I know they were yours?

Donation isn't a commercial obligation in the first place. There's no legal binding rule that demands donations from every commoner in the society. Next, was there consideration? Consideration would mean a benefit in exchange for a benefit, or otherwise. I see no clear consideration here. The next issue here would be that how could you use duress to ask for a donation? Totally absurb.

posted at [9:47 AM]

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Sunday, April 06, 2008

:: Bad Afternoon ::

This afternoon, my parents picked me up from church at PL after service (1st time after all that had happened). We went over to Clementi for lunch. Due to the rain, we decided to head for some shops before crossing over the eatery where there was no shelter.

During our shopping, somehow I came across a shop with very CHEAP make-up cosmetics. I tried looking for my favourite eye shadow color, violet. When I found it, I search for its sample, which was way inside of the tray. When I finally took it out, to my horror, the eye shadow was sort of damaged. It was somehow was broken into flakes. At this point of time, someone from behind hit my elbow and I dropped the sample eye shadow. The already broken flakes now became powder!! I was appalled. I sort of created a mess in the shop. I quickly picked it up, and put it near the tray as my hands were like so dusty-filled with eye shadows.

This is when the shopkeeper came.. She questioned me, asking if I had dropped it. I said yes. Hence she said I had to pay $4.90 (full-price). I was puzzled, as that was just a sample, and it was already in such poor condition. I tried bringing the point across and gave her another counter offer, to pay just half of its price. She checked with her senior shopkeeper, it was agreed already somehow till...... My mum came over and learnt about the issue.

Because it was somehow unfair to me to pay half the price as the sample was really really in a very bad condition when I picked it. What make things worst was that the shopkeeper accused me of being "dishonest" claiming that I quickly picked the eye shadow up and hid it at the tray. Oh my... That blowed the matter even more, as my mum jumped upon the word "dishonest". Hence she bargained for an even lower price which I had previously offered. The argument went on for about 20mins, till it was finally agreed by the shopkeeper that we just need to pay $2.

I felt somehow bad for my mum to pay for a broken eye shadow. I offered to pay but she didn't let me.

My dad and sister was around. Somehow my sister was stronger than me. She kept away my wallet when I was about to pay $2.45 instead of $2.

My dad told me just to treat it as an experience, and $2 of a lesson learnt was rather worthwhile. I don't understand. What does he mean by that?

After the matter sorta resolved, we headed for lunch at a hawker centre instead of our original plans. Lunch tasted really bad that afternoon. I lost my entire appetite. (I'm usually one who eats really alot and anything). Dad somehow tried to emphasized that we would not have every single day going smooth sailing, attaining our desires. I almost teared.

When we finally headed home. Mum went over to Jurong Point, and came back to give me a pressed powder! It cost really alot more than what I purchased from SilkyGirl (because I go for cheap deals and brands). This was really amazing. I really didn't expect her to do so. She sorta emphasized that cheap stuff might be dangerous to use.

I won't post a picture of the damaged eye shadow, as it possessed its name on it. I would do so after cropping away the names.

posted at [8:43 PM]

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