Miss ConGeNiaLity's Chronicles

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

:: New Discovery ::

I was so amazed that this matter would have been brought up to me by PP. I do agree with what he has spoken. I was rather moved that he would purposely search where I was sitting and waited to speak to me. Although I knew he felt out of place. Bcoz no one was speaking to him AT ALL at the table. As it was the common stigma that singers don't speak to PP, except for musicians and co-leaders. I can sense that he wants to speak to me, but I just kept trying not to have any eye-contact with him. Avoiding...(the very me). I felt sorry about it.

When he finally spoke, I initially thought it was a passing question, of why I joined tkd. My usual reply, is "To prove that women aren't vulnerable to men". He paused, and continue eating. I thought that was the end of the conversation. haha. NO-NO! He questioned further; do you learn it to prove yourself or for self-defence? I replied both. Here comes the issue..

It's very dangerous for you to go into something with a wrong purpose, bcoz you'll end up in the wrong state. He was even worried I wouldn't make it for marriage. Being headstrong for the wrong purpose, would result disaster. I thought I only see this in dramas. I also thought being a strong woman would draw the stronger men; which was seen in many dramas and even real life. However, most ended up in a bad state. I tried being strong, which eventually being headstrong and wilful- The feminist spirit, which is very common and rising up in USA. Behind every arrogance was actually fear from insecurity.

My initial reason to join tkd was to try something new, since my friends are in there. I didn't plan to stay long too. I just wanted to experience something new, so as to not end up regretting not being able to do this and that when I eventually grow old. However, it seems after a few months my purpose diverted to that "strong statement" which would shake people whenever they hear them- To prove women are not vulnerable to men. It's a wrong move I've made.

I actually do feel something not quite right these months, but not so sure where is it coming from.. It was finally revealed. My insecurity hasn't left me to so much trials. It's hitting the roof. What I can do now is to move back to the right path. Saying is of course so much easier. Let's be practical.

1. Renewing purposes of learning tkd: To challenge myself, which helps especially when it comes to studies & running marathons. To achieve something more in life, for competitions and to live life to the fullest. To gain more weight, from muscles, because I'm too thin.

2. Renew purposes of joining the ministry: To enjoy worshipping and seeing how people love God. To release the people into God's focus and flow of the Spirit. To explore into new areas of serving.

posted at [5:28 PM]

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Intro

Thank you to all who visits my blog!! My entries would be a mirror of my life stories. Some of the entries might not sound edifying. However, at the end of the day, He'll bring good.
If you're looking for one with a "perfect" life, you'd be disappointed. I'm still human afterall, living in the imperfect earth and imperfect market.
My email: servantgrace777@gmail.com

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